


Right Under Your Nose

by a_boar_named_barry



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Blind Date, Blood Drinking, F/M, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, It's Requited They're Just Stupid, Jealous Nandor, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Season/Series 02, Rescue, Vampires, jealous guillermo, nonsexual tie, tongue hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:29:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28870851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_boar_named_barry/pseuds/a_boar_named_barry
Summary: “AAAAAHHHHH, THAT SMELL!!!” Nadja raised her right hand to pinch her nose closed and pointed at Nandor with the left. “I’m used to the stench coming from Guillermo’s groin, but you too, Nandor? My little nose cannot take this.”Guillermo and Nandor both rolled their eyes. “What are you getting on about, Nadja? Guillermo, do I stink?”“I don’t smell anything,” Guillermo replied.“It’s from his groin. Your groin is just as sad as bloody Guillermo’s. Tell him, Laszlo!”---------------------------------------------------------------The sad stench from Nandor's groin has finally thrown Nadja over the edge, so she decides to set him up on a date with her friend. Nandor and Guillermo aren't too thrilled with the idea, but they go along with it to shut her up. That is, until they realize she may be right, more or less.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Original Male Character(s), Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja, Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 41





	1. The Stench of Sadness

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I'm not really a fic writer, but my brain is filled with ideas about this show/pairing and I really needed an outlet. Plus, one of my resolutions was to be more involved with the WWDITS community. I've particularly latched onto the fact that Paul Simms said season three will involve Nandor "looking for love," and Kayvan mentioned in several panels and interviews that Nandor might be "falling" for Guillermo. Thus, here I go putting this into the world.

Guillermo whistled as he dusted the table in Nandor’s crypt. A few weeks had passed since he saved his housemates from their execution at the theatre, but Guillermo was still adjusting to his new status in the house. Nadja had cut back on ordering Guillermo around, while Colin cut back on draining all of his housemates. Sure, he drains to live, but he could drain his coworkers and strangers on the Internet for a little while. Laszlo was more timid around Guillermo, a little freaked out about how apt he was at killing vampires, and only referred to him by his full name. 

Nandor was the most affected, though. Just as Guillermo had wanted all along, Nandor finally saw Guillermo as an equal--a friend. Even though Nandor stopped bossing Guillermo around, Guillermo noticed that the vampire was even more dependent on him and rarely left his side. Guillermo certainly appreciated his improved social status within the house, but this uneasiness inside of him remained. Guillermo was scared--scared of future assassins, sure, but mostly scared of himself. The ease in which he knocked off an entire theatre of vampires made Guillermo fear his own strength and who he could possibly hurt, so he took to cleaning and dusting just to clear his mind.

Nandor sat on his chaise and watched Guillermo as he dusted the table. The way that Guillermo’s hand grasped the duster reminded Nandor of how Guillermo held the many stakes he used to kill the vampires at the theatre. He thought about that evening nearly every night. In what he thought were his final moments, Nandor could only think of Guillermo--how upset he was that Guillermo left, but also what he could say so the vampires didn’t go after him afterwards. But then, he saw Guillermo swing from the rafters and begin to slay vampire after vampire. At that moment, Nandor wanted nothing more than to jump in and join Guillermo, to fight side-by-side with him, but he was bound tightly and could only watch and yell. Still, it thrilled Nandor to see Guillermo pillaging the enemy vampires. His familiar--the one he just tried to protect--was a skilled warrior with so much untapped potential. Most of all, Guillermo saved him...yet again, but this time would be different. Nandor promised Guillermo that he would no longer treat him as a familiar, and he promised himself that he would never leave Guillermo’s side.

“Shit!” The sound of the word slipping out of Guillermo’s mouth, coupled with the sound of the duster slipping out of his hand and dropping to the floor, brought Nandor back to his senses. The vampire’s eyes followed the human’s body as he picked up the duster until they landed on his butt, instantly putting Nandor into another trance. Now, Nandor thought about how Guillermo’s body moved that fateful night. He seemed to glide across the theatre, performing a beautiful, bloody, murderous dance that Nandor couldn’t take his eyes off of. With his combined strength and grace, Nandor was sure the little man would have been fierce on the battlefield. The sound of laughter approaching his crypt woke Nandor from his thoughts.

“VAMPIRE...I hardly KNOW her,” Laszlo jokes, trying to hold himself together. Nadja tugged on his arm, roaring with laughter and almost bringing the both of them to the floor. Then, suddenly, Nadja’s nose shriveled up and a look of disgust appeared on her face.

“AAAAAHHHHH, THAT SMELL!!!” Nadja raised her right hand to pinch her nose closed and pointed at Nandor with the left. “I’m used to the stench coming from Guillermo’s groin, but you too, Nandor? My little nose cannot take this.”

Guillermo and Nandor both rolled their eyes. “What are you getting on about, Nadja? Guillermo, do I stink?”

“I don’t smell anything,” Guillermo replied.

“It’s from his groin. Your groin is just as sad as bloody Guillermo’s. Tell him, Laszlo!”

“My lady wife’s right, chap. And sure, we’ve had our little entanglements in the past…” Nadja interrupted with a hiss. “BUT, you need to find your match, like Nadja is mine. You need someone to go through thick and thin with.” Hearing those words, Guillermo dropped the duster again, and three pairs of eyes were instantly on him.

“Ooo, I know someone who’s looking for her match,” Nadja declared, commanding everyone’s attention. “Do you remember that one vampire, Sofia? I met her several orgies ago, and she just spoke to me on the phone about her dating troubles.” Suddenly, her eyes started to glow. “You know, I bet her groin is just as sad as yours. This will be perfect, right, Laszlo?”

“Absolutely, my darling,” Laszlo agreed, lovingly poking Nadja on the cheek.

“You said that about the last person you tried to set me up with. And all the other ones before that!,” Nandor interjected.

“Yes…” Nadja closed her eyes and placed her fingers on her temples. She quickly opened her eyes and resumed. “But this time, it’ll work. You are going to be happy very soon. I can sense it.”

“Ehhhhh…,” Nandor groaned. He looked at Guillermo for reassurance, but all Guillermo could offer was a slight shrug. Guillermo, himself, was still trying to process what was happening.

“It has been an eternity since you went out and had fun with someone that wasn’t me or Laszlo. You cannot spend all day sulking around the house like some smashed potato,” Nadja said, flailing her arms around.

“I was not sulking. I do not sulk. Guillermo and I were having a great time here before you showed up.” Nandor pointed at Nadja to accompany his accusation.

“OOOOHHHHH, THE SMELL. IT’S GETTING WORSE. HE’S TRYING TO KILL ME, LASZLO!” Nadja tucked her face into Laszlo’s arms, while Nandor rolled his eyes at her dramatics.

“Are you trying to kill my lady wife? Because that kind of jive cannot stand,” Laszlo announced, waving his pointer finger in a circle before pointing at Nandor. He had no intention of starting a fight, but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be dramatic and perform in front of an audience.

“Fine,” Nandor sighed reluctantly. “I shall go on a date with this...Sofia.” Nandor carefully said the name as if fire was about to come out of his mouth. Although he only agreed just to stop the screaming, Nandor was in fact jealous of what Nadja and Laszlo had. He longed for someone to laugh with, someone to fight for him, someone to pick him up when he fell down, someone to love him.

Nadja reappeared from under Laszlo’s arm and clapped her hands in excitement. “That settles it! I’ll go call Sofia and will set something up. Now I’ve got to lie a little bit to make you appealing, so don’t fuck this up for me.” With that, Nadja and Laszlo turned around, arm in arm. Nandor and Guillermo stared at each other, still unsure of what exactly happened.

“Well, you’ll be there to help me out with this, right, Guillermo?” Nandor said, looking to who he felt was his last ally in the house.

Nadja’s vampiric senses allowed her to hear this, so she turned around abruptly. “Absolutely not. How am I supposed to explain this to Sofia? You have been alive for like 800 years. Be a big boy and go by yourself.”

“But...Guillermo has gone with me on all of my dates.” This was true. In the past, Guillermo would accompany Nandor on the dates that Nadja would set him up on as part of his duties as a familiar. But now, after almost losing his own life and knowing that assassins could still go after Guillermo, Nandor was unwilling to leave his side.

“NO GUILLERMO!” Nadja yelled, and before Nandor could protest further, she and Laszlo flew out of Nandor’s crypt.


	2. Moths in My Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor is nervous for his date with Sofia, so Guillermo decides to help him get ready and calm his nerves. But how will Guillermo cope with everything?

“Ick. Guillermo, there are moths in my body!”

Guillermo turned around to look at Nandor, draping his former master’s special cape over his arm. Guillermo had helped dress Nandor many times over his years of servitude, and it was admittedly one of his favorite jobs...for rather selfish reasons. Since relinquishing Guillermo of his familiar duties, Nandor began dressing himself. Nandor’s intent behind the decision was good, but Guillermo certainly missed the contact, though Guillermo was delighted when Nandor asked him to help him get ready for his date.

“There are what?” Guillermo asked in confusion with a face that he donned many times when speaking with Nandor.

“Moths, Guillermo! I feel all jittery,” Nandor explained, a little frustrated that Guillermo was still confused despite how clear he was being.

“Oooooh, you mean you have butterflies in your stomach,” Guillermo chuckled.

“Hey, stop laughing Guillermo! This is serious.” Guillermo tried to apologize but he laughed even harder. Nandor wanted to be offended by this laughter, as he would have when Guillermo was his familiar, but he couldn’t help chuckling along.

“Hi-De-Ho, roomies!” Colin said before knocking on the open door to Nandor’s crypt. “This scene looks mighty familiar. What are you up to?”

“Hey, Colin.” Guillermo was more open to conversations with Colin since he stopped draining everyone around this house. “I’m helping Nandor get ready for his date tonight.”

“Yes, I am very busy Colin Robinson,” Nandor hissed, still weary of the roommate that came with the house. And with that, the temptation was too great and Colin seized the opportunity.

“Well how does that make you feel, Guillermo?,” Colin asked. His eyes started to glow, feeding on the awkwardness. Colin was the only one astute enough to pick up on Guillermo’s feelings and enjoyed feeding on the tension between him and Nandor over the years.

“What is he talking about, Guillermo?” Nandor questioned.

“He’s just trying to drain us. Can’t you drain someone else, Colin?,” Guillermo pleaded, hoping that nothing more will slip out.

“Guilty as charged,” Colin admitted, raising up his hand. “Well, you two have a good time tonight with Nadja’s friend.” 

As Colin started to leave the crypt, and much to Guillermo’s dismay, Nandor piped up: “Actually, Guillermo will not be joining me.” 

Colin immediately turned around, his eyes glowing even brighter. “But you two are always together! How will you handle separation anxiety?”

“GET OUT!!!,” Guillermo screamed.

“Fine,” Colin chuckled, “I’ll feed on the people at the zoning board meeting.”

As Colin left the crypt, Guillermo’s eyes dropped to Nandor’s cape, which he was now holding in his hands and twirling in his fingers. As Guillermo began to place the cape around Nandor’s neck, Nandor grabbed his wrist and sighed.

“I do wish you were coming with me, Guillermo. Why can’t you come with me?”

“Well…” Guillermo wanted to be by Nandor’s side just as much as Nandor wanted Guillermo by his own, but he knew why Nadja didn’t want Guillermo to go on the date with Nandor. Guillermo was aware that many of the people Nandor went on dates with were turned off by Guillermo’s presence, and that’s why Nandor never got a second date. “Dates are about an intimate connection…”

“Eh???,” Nandor groaned, very confused. Guillermo was losing him.

“Sofia is expecting to just be meeting with you, not me. And she wants to spend time with you--ALONE--not with me.” Guillermo gulped nervously but pulled himself together quickly. This night could be very difficult for Nandor, so he needed all the support he could get. “But that’s okay--I have some errands to run anyway. And besides, you’ll have a great time without me.”

“But, what am I supposed to say? You know I don’t like to do the talky-talk!,” Nandor complained.

Guillermo, in fact, did know this. He knew this very well. “She’s probably going to want to know about you: what you like, what you don’t like. Do your best to learn all about Sofia.” Nandor looked at Guillermo attentively. Maybe this guy knew who he was talking about. “And...if you’re really stuck in an awkward silence, ask her what she likes to do for fun. She’s a vampire. Maybe you two will have similar interests.”

Nandor now had a smile on his face with his fangs just poking out. “Wow. Hey, how do you know so much about dating, Guillermo? Have you been going on secret dates?,” Nandor joked, while he also playfully poked Guillermo in the stomach.

To be honest, Guillermo didn’t know for sure. He wasn’t an expert on dating and hadn’t been going on secret dates. But, in blunt terms, Guillermo was in love with Nandor, and he had been for years. He spent the past decade dreaming about being in a relationship with Nandor, including going on dates with him. Guillermo spent hours over the past decade thinking about going to fancy restaurants with Nandor, just like what he was about to do with someone else. So, where did this advice come from? This is what Guillermo pictured and hoped and prayed Nandor would ask HIM, instead of Sofia. More than anything else, Guillermo wanted to share his feelings for Nandor in hopes that Nandor would reciprocate, but the two of them were finally in a good place and Guillermo didn’t want to risk it. Instead, he just laughed along.

“Okay, I think I’ve got it. I’m off now, Guillermo!,” Nandor announced, as if Guillermo was in another room instead of right next to him. Nandor confidently strutted out of his crypt, but before Guillermo could even take a breath, the vampire was back inside with a worried look on his face. “But what if I need you Guillermo? You won’t be there! I’ll be all alone.”

Guillermo was starting to lose his patience with the vampire. “You’ll be fine, Nandor, and I’ll only be running errands. If you need me, just call and I’ll help you.”

“Ah yes! Through the ether!”

“Or...just call my cell phone. Here’s my phone number.” Guillermo scribbled his digits on a scrap piece of paper, folded it in half, and handed it to Nandor, who held onto it for a minute before tucking it into his pants.

“Okay...I’m really going now,” Nandor announced. “Thank you, Guillermo.” Nandor gingerly placed his hand on Guillermo’s shoulder. “For everything.”

Guillermo nodded and watched the vampire walk out of his crypt and fly out of the house, taking Guillermo’s metaphorical heart with him. As the door closed, a wave of emotion hit Guillermo. He was jealous of this Sofia--surely she can’t take care of Nandor the way Guillermo could. He was angry at Nadja for pressuring Nandor to find someone when he was right there--he was always right there. But he was mostly disappointed...disappointed in himself. He shouldn’t have let Nadja harass Nandor into this date. He shouldn’t have let Nandor walk out the door. He should have told Nandor that he was all Guillermo could see, all Guillermo could think about, all Guillermo could love.

Guillermo felt suffocated by these thoughts. He needed to get out of Nandor’s crypt--out of the house. Never in his life had Guillermo been so eager to run errands.

***

Guillermo eyed the various snacks that lined the second aisle of the local CVS. He held up an unfamiliar bag of chips to read the ingredients listed on the back label.

“Guillermo? Is that you?”

Guillermo looked up from the bag of chips to find the voice that called him, his right hand reaching for the stake hidden in his pocket. Guillermo saw a tall and lanky man to his left with long black hair that was tied in a ponytail. Upon inspection, Guillermo’s first thought was that this man was kind of attractive. (What could he say? Guillermo certainly had a type.) But a new thought quickly overpowered the first. Guillermo had seen this man before.

“It’s me, Martin, familiar to Lawrence the Lustrous,” the mystery man said. Guillermo thought that Nandor and this Lawrence would probably get along, considering Nandor’s obsession with glitter.

“Oh...YES! Yes, yes, yes!,” Guillermo replied, suddenly remembering that he’d seen Martin at a few Familiar events. He placed the chips back on the shelf and reached his right hand out to shake Martin’s hand. “It’s been awhile. How have you been?”

“It sure has! But, you know, same old familiar duties. I have to pick up some bleach and Lawrence the Lustrous...wanted some glitter,” Martin chuckled. Oh yes, he and Nandor would get along swimmingly. “Hey, why don’t I see you at any of the familiar socials anymore? Boss got you working that hard?”

“Actually…I’m not really a familiar anymore.” Normally, Guillermo would be more cautious about his situation, but he was still wrangling with the emotions from before and that clouded his judgment.

“Wow! That’s awesome!” Martin lowered his head and stared at Guillermo’s mouth. “But you don’t have fangs! What happened?”

“It’s complicated,” Guillermo replied, which was true; Guillermo and Nandor’s relationship was complicated. “But we’re...uh...friends now.”

Martin moved closer to Guillermo and nudged his elbow into Guillermo’s arm. “You’re in a relationship with him! Good for you!”

“No, no, no!,” Guillermo interjected, shutting that thought out of his head. “I am painfully single.”

“Oh, well, forgive me for being forward, but would you like to grab a drink some time?,” Martin asked, shooting his shot.

This was new to Guillermo, and it caught him off guard. “Actually, I’m not sure if I’m looking for something right now,” Guillermo uttered. He held on to hope that Nandor would fail on his date and he could finally tell the vampire about his feelings.

“Nah, I get it. But, if you change your mind, here’s my card.” Martin handed Guillermo the business card.

“Martin, Familiar to Lawrence the Lustrous…,” Guillermo read aloud. “And there’s your number.” Guillermo chuckled at the card’s simplicity.

“If you decide that you want to go out some time, just shoot me a message. See ya!” Martin waved goodbye and headed to the check out lane. Guillermo looked at the card again before shoving it into his pocket and resuming his shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to get this chapter out quickly because I'm really excited for the next one. Thank you for the kudos! What do you all think so far? What would you like to see happen? I'm curious as to what you all think.


	3. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor goes on his date with Sofia.

Nandor looked up at the dark, brick building in front of him. With no lights on the facade, the building lived in darkness--in the shadows. From what could be seen, the bricks were worn down and stained. But most notably, the building lacked a sign--an identity, at least to the outside world. Nandor’s eyes dropped down and fell on the imposing man blocking the door. He flashed his fangs, and the man stepped aside and invited him in.

One could never tell from the outside, but the restaurant was packed. Vampires and other creatures of the night flooded the bar and various seating areas throughout the establishment. Nandor was overwhelmed by the sights and the sounds. Normally, he would have Guillermo to lean on and direct him, but how was he going to find his date? “I don’t even remember her name,” Nandor thought to himself.

“Nandor?” He turned toward the call. He saw a female vampire waving her hand. She had on a beautiful black dress made of sequins that sparkled as she stepped toward Nandor. As she approached, Nandor saw her lips were painted blood red and she had on a necklace with a greenish jewel.

“Yes, it is I. Nandor the Relentless,” the vampire announced.

“Hi, I’m Sofia...Nadja’s friend.”

“Ah, yes, Sofia.” He flashed a nervous smile. He repeated the name a few times out loud to commit it to memory.

Sofia turned around to the hostess at the front. From the back, Nandor could see her hair was in a tight braid that ran down her back. He liked this look and made a mental note to ask Guillermo to help him recreate it on his own hair. About a minute later, the hostess took the vampires to their table and handed them each a menu.

They looked down at the various blood offerings on the menu--too many to choose. From the corner of his eye, Nandor saw a man approach the table. “Hi folks, welcome to “Sinister,” the man said, hissing with each “s” sound like a cartoon snake. “My name is David, and I will be taking care of you today. Do you have any questions?”

“Yes,” Sofia began. Nandor took comfort in the fact that she was also overwhelmed by the menu. “Do you have any specials?”

“We actually have some freshly picked virgins from a nearby Renaissance Faire. How does that sound?,” David asked.

“That sounds delicious!,” Sofia exclaimed, her pupils dilating.

“I’ll take some fresh virgin, too,” Nandor piped up.

“Excellent, I’ll put that in right now,” David said and walked away.

“I’m glad we’re doing this, Nandor. Nadja has told me so much about you.” Nandor nodded with a smile on his face, but then he froze. It was his turn to speak.

Several thoughts swam through Nandor’s brain: What do I do? I can’t do this. I hate the talky-talk. I’m taking too long. Can she hear my thoughts? THINK, NANDOR, THINK!!! Wait a minute. What did Guillermo say? Learn about her? Fun? THINK! YES!

“So...Sofia...tell me about yourself. What do you like to do for fun?,” Nandor finally mustered out.

“I’ve been known to get lost in a good book from time to time,” Sofia chuckled. Nandor nodded and laughed along. He identified with this: he loves to read and has spent most of his vampiric life lost--just wandering. “But, I also love to create things,” Sofia continued. “I draw, I paint, I sculpt, I sew.” Sofia used her fingers to list off her many talents. “I actually sewed this dress,” she said while waving her arm in front of her dress--the vampiric Vanna White.

“Ah, it is very good,” Nandor reassured her. “Do you work with glitter, like Twilight?”

Sofia’s smile grew wider. She loved talking about her art. “I love glitter. I think it’s a great way to add an extra special, personal touch to something. Glitter can be a great way to share that you care.” Nandor vigorously nodded his head in agreement--she was right. Not wanting to get carried away or hog the conversation, Sofia switched gears. “What about you? What do you like to do?”

“Uhhh…” Nandor closed his eyes tight to think. Guillermo didn’t help him with this part. Nandor had been having more fun recently, so he tried to think about what he did when he was happiest. “I like to play Chess…” Nandor started. Sofia began nodding, and Nandor took that as encouragement to dig deeper. “Yes! Especially when it’s raining or icky outside. Yuck! Last time I played, I beat Guillermo in ten moves!”

“What about when it’s not icky outside?,” Sofia probed. “What do you do when you can go outside?”

“Well, Guillermo created this game where we have to find the cadavers buried in the yard. He says it’s a safety hazard, but I always win at it.” Memories started flowing back into Nandor’s brain, and he found it much easier to talk about what he enjoys. He actually couldn’t stop talking; he was so excited. “I also like to go out on the town. Staten Island has so many fun things to do. Last week, Guillermo and I went to the carnival. And we went bowling. And we also went mini jolfing. You should have seen how hard I hit the little ball! But, I like it when we go flying at the end. Guillermo looks so happy because he is just a human who cannot go fly by himself, except he did not look happy that one time I dropped him.” Sofia’s smile transformed into a concerned look. “Sorry about that, Guillermo.” Nandor turned to his right expecting Guillermo to be there like he always was. His smile vanished when he saw the emptiness beside him.

“You keep talking about this Guillermo. Who is he?,” Sofia asked, reeling Nandor back into their date.

“Ah, Guillermo. He used to be my familiar. I met him over a decade ago, when he worked at Panera Bread. Can you believe that? But now, he is my roommate...and my friend.” Nandor smiled as he said that. Nandor has certainly come a long way since that day in the hospital, when he struggled to call Guillermo “friend.” Being so close to death can really make you appreciate the things--or people--that you take for granted.

“He sounds pretty important to you. I’ll have to meet him some time,” Sofia said.

“Yes, you must!” Nandor could spend all day talking about Guillermo, but he remembered what the human said to him. His goal was to learn about Sofia. “What about you? Do you have a familiar?”

“No...I live by myself, so I don’t really need a familiar. I know that makes me a weird vampire.” Nandor chuckled nervously. “You said that Guillermo used to be your familiar. Why is he no longer your familiar?”

“I am an old vampire. I’ve had several familiars, but Guillermo is different. He’s done so much for me over the years, and I only recently realized how cruel I was to him. I can’t take back how cruel and aloof I’ve been, but I promised to treat him better, so I gave up being his master and am now...his friend.” Nandor pointed his index finger down on the table to emphasize his point.

“Wow, that’s very noble of you, Nandor,” Sofia said. “Many vampires would be scared to say that.”

“Yes…,” Nandor continued. For someone who doesn’t like the “talky talk,” Nandor just couldn’t stop talking about Guillermo. She had to know what Guillermo had done for Nandor. “As I said, he has done so much for me. Not only do we have fun together, but he also helps around the house. I told him that he no longer has to do chores because he is not a familiar, but he does it anyway.” Nandor’s excitement grew as he kept talking. “But that’s not it! This one time, when he was still a familiar, I tried to become a U.S. citizen, but I failed the test. Guillermo said that I should be proud of who I am, a vampire, and he was right. He always makes me feel better when I am not feeling confident in myself, or when I am feeling a little less fearless.” 

Sofia opened her mouth to speak, but promptly closed it when she realized Nandor was still going. “He’s also gotten me out of a few scrapes, like that time he saved me from the witches that tried to steal my semen.” Sofia winced. “And he saved me and Nadja and Laszlo and Colin Robinson from vampires that tried to kill us. The circumstances are not important, but I thought I was about to die. I was saying my last words when Guillermo…” Nandor closed his eyes and his mind projected that all too familiar scene: Guillermo swinging down from the rafters, jumping from the stage, dancing through the aisles. Nandor committed each movement to memory--every step, every turn, every sway of his hips--all the while, Guillermo killed...pillaged...CONQUERED.

“You’re lucky to have someone like that in your life.” The sound of Sofia’s voice snapped Nandor out of his reverie. Once he processed what she said, a smile returned to his face.

“Yes. Yes I am,” Nandor said, nodding his head in affirmation.

David returned to the table with two goblets filled with blood. “Two orders of the virgin special,” he said, placing a goblet in front of each vampire.

***

“I’m back from my date!,” Nandor announced as he walked into the house. Nadja and Guillermo came out of their respective rooms to meet Nandor at the front door.

“Well...how did it go?,” Nadja probed eagerly.

“I had a lot of fun. We have a lot in common, and I think she liked what I had to say.” Nadja clapped her hands in excitement. Guillermo forced a smile on his face. Nandor turned to Guillermo. “Thank you, Guillermo. Your advice helped me a lot.”

“Sure thing. I’m glad you had fun,” Guillermo uttered weakly.

“I think I would like to see Sofia again. Guillermo, will you help me braid my hair for our second date?,” Nandor asked.

Guillermo wanted to be supportive for Nandor. He was glad that Nandor had a good time, but he also felt his own heart being ripped out of his chest. Guillermo, on the verge of tears, stared at the floor, not daring to look up at the vampire. “Yea…,” Guillermo sniffled.

“Excellent! Well, I’m going to coffin. Goodnight, everyone.” Nandor whistled as he walked to his crypt.

“I knew this would work. Don’t worry, Guillermo, you’re next,” Nadja said.

Before Guillermo could respond, Nadja turned around and went back to her crypt. Guillermo reached into his pocket for a tissue, believing his tear ducts would burst any second. He felt something sharp jab his pointer finger, so he emptied his pocket to find a business card--Martin’s business card.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to post this chapter because that means I can get started on Chapter 4, which will be a doozy. 
> 
> Nandor may be a little out of character, but I'm a sucker for sweet Nandor and am kind of hoping the theatre events make him realize how special Guillermo is. Though, Kayvan did say Nandor was "addicted" to Guillermo in an interview, so maybe I am compliant with his idea of the character.
> 
> I also threw in some easter eggs for myself of future fic ideas that I may get to at some point.


	4. Dreaming of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor and Guillermo both go on dates...and neither of them is pleased about the other dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few notes:
> 
> The second and third parts (the dates) are supposed to happen at the same time.
> 
> I also used brackets to signal a character's thoughts.
> 
> Finally, I've updated the tags, so read accordingly.

Guillermo slowly ran his fingers through Nandor’s hair before gathering each end in a fist. After spending the day watching YouTube tutorials on braiding hair, he was confident enough in his ability to accommodate Nandor’s wish. 

“Thank you for helping me get ready again, Guillermo.” Guillermo nodded and tugged lightly on Nandor’s hair to tighten the braid, causing Nandor to purr. “Oh, that feels good, Guillermo. When did you get so good at this?”

Guillermo rolled his eyes. [Of course it feels good. Don’t you get it? Nobody knows how to please you like I do. No one can make you feel good like I do.] He wanted to grab Nandor with both hands and yell this in his stupid vampire face, but he composed himself and opted for a much safer (less likely to start a fight) option. “I guess I have magic hands,” Guillermo chuckled nervously, trying to conceal his thoughts...and his pain.

Nandor chuckled along with him. “Well, when you’re done with my hair, would you and your magic hands mind braiding my beard as well? I want to look extra handsome for my date.” Date. As soon as he heard the word, Nandor’s hair slipped through Guillermo’s fingers—a cruel metaphor. “Hello? Guillermo…?” 

Guillermo snapped to his senses. “Oh, yes! Sorry. Yes, I can do that.” He picked up Nandor’s hair once more and finished the braid. Guillermo stood back and admired his handiwork for a few seconds before walking around to Nandor’s front. He looked deeply into the vampire’s eyes before quickly turning his focus to his beard.

“Guillermo....is everything okay? You have been very quiet.” Nandor was certainly not the most observant, so this question threw Guillermo off guard a bit. Was he that transparent?

“Yea...I’m good.” [LIE! NO, I’M NOT!] “I’ve just been thinking.” [ABOUT YOU! IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!]

“Ahh, were you lost in your thoughts, Guillermo? That is okay-a! I get lost in my head all the time.” Nandor chuckled and poked Guillermo’s temple a few times, and then poked him in the stomach for good measure.

“Yea...” Guillermo laughed nervously before abruptly shutting his mouth, afraid of what could slip out. He finished braiding Nandor’s beard and stepped back.

“How do I look, Guillermo?” Nandor twirled as he asked.

“You look very handsome, Nandor.” Nandor was always handsome, especially to Guillermo, but this look was something else. Nandor looked even more like an immortal warrior—a ruthless pillager on the battlefield...and in the bedroom. And Guillermo wanted nothing more than to yank Nandor’s braided beard close and test that bedroom thing out—to put an end to this dance between them. Instead, Guillermo ran over to the chaise and held a pillow in front of him to hide his...excitement.

Nandor twirled a bit more before returning his focus to Guillermo sitting on the chaise. “Well, what do you have planned tonight, Guillermo?” Although he hated what he would refer to as “the talky-talk,” Nandor found it quite easy to have a conversation with Guillermo. It almost came naturally to him. “What is going on in the world of Guillermo de la Cruz?,” Nandor continued. He rushed over to the chaise to poke Guillermo a few times in the stomach again.

“Oh...I think I’m gonna catch a movie tonight and maybe grab some food afterwards...but don’t worry about me, though,” Guillermo spat out, trying to divert Nandor’s attention away from him.

Nandor only half-listened to what Guillermo said because a brilliant idea came to mind. “Hey, I have a great idea!,” Nandor announced, slapping his hands on his own thighs. “Why don’t you come with me on my date?” 

Guillermo choked, surprised by the invitation. “Oh, no, I can’t. I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense! Sofia said that she would love to meet you. Please come with me.” Nandor batted his eyelashes, a tactic that helped him get his way with Guillermo many times before.

“No!,” Guillermo said more assertively. “I’m not gonna be a third wheel on your date with...Sofia.” Guillermo nearly choked while saying her name.

Nandor stared at Guillermo blankly for a few seconds. “What do you mean third wheel? Guillermo, you do not have to ride a tricycle. We can just fly to my date. You love flying!”

Guillermo rolled his eyes and stood up from the chaise to confront Nandor. “No, your date is for you and Sofia! Not for me.” He hoped that he was clear enough, and aggressive enough, for Nandor to take the hint. But Nandor was Nandor—stupid, stubborn Nandor. And Guillermo loved this about him, among all the other reasons why he loved Nandor, but not in this moment.

“But Sofia wants to meet you. She said so herself!,” Nandor nudged. “I think I really like her. And you would like her, too. Do you want me to be happy or not?”

“That’s not...” Guillermo was interrupted by an annoyingly familiar voice.

“Uh oh. Are you lovebirds having a little quarrel? You know, there are studies about people who never find their soulmates…”

“GET OUT, COLIN ROBINSON!!!” Nandor and Guillermo yelled in unison, quickly dismissing the energy vampire. Colin chuckled and left Nandor’s crypt.

Before Guillermo could pick up where he left off, Nandor pleaded: “Can’t you see your little movie some other time?”

“I CAN’T!” Guillermo snapped, losing all patience.

“WHY NOT?!” Nandor matched Guillermo’s energy, equally as irritated.

“BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE PLANS. I’M GOING ON A DATE.” Guillermo rubbed his eyelids and took a deep breath. “I’m going to the movies with a guy I ran into the other day and then we’re gonna grab pizza at the restaurant on Beverly Street.”

Now Nandor was caught off guard. The thought of Guillermo going out with someone had never crossed his mind. “A date? Why did I not know about this? Why did you not tell me, Guillermo? No, you cannot go on this date! I forbid it.” 

Guillermo struggled with his thoughts. [What he asked was a fair question. Why didn’t I tell him? ... But why should I tell him? And how dare he forbid me from dating! I mean, why would Nandor care? He has Sofia now. And if he can find happiness, then I can, too.] “I’m not your familiar anymore. I don’t have to report to you, or tell you where I’m going or who I’m seeing. I have a life, Nandor! And I’m finally going to live it.” Guillermo looked at his phone for a lifeline. “I’m late.”

Before Nandor could respond, Guillermo was out the door. Guillermo plugged in his earphones and shuffled his music. An Adele song started to play.

She, she ain’t real.  
She ain’t gonna be able to love you like I will.  
She is a stranger.  
You and I have history, or don’t you remember?  
Sure, she’s got it all  
But, baby, is that really what you want?

***

Martin reached to open the door for Guillermo. Unfamiliar with the gesture, Guillermo stood frozen in the pizza parlor’s entrance.

“Is everything okay, Guillermo? We don’t have to eat here if you don’t want to.” Guillermo snapped to his senses.

“Oh, no, no. It’s just...I’m so used to being the one to open the door. It’s kind of nice having someone else open the door for me.”

Martin chuckled at this. “Well, I’ll always hold the door open for you, Guillermo,” Martin said while holding Guillermo’s shoulder. He turned around to speak to the host.

Guillermo stared at Martin’s ponytail. [I wonder what his hair would look like in a braid. He doesn't necessarily have the body of a fierce warrior...like Nandor...but he could still look like a cute founding father, or something. Well, Nandor would certainly like him, then…] Guillermo rolled his eyes at his own thoughts before realizing where his mind was going. [NO! Stop thinking about him! I’m on a date with Martin, and he’s very sweet.] But this was much easier said—or thought—than done. Every time he tried to fight it, the vision of that braided, assertive warrior came back stronger. He was built to be honored, and boy did Guillermo want to honor him.

“Guillermo?” Guillermo snapped back to life at the sound of Martin’s voice, his cheeks blushing red. “Our table is ready.”

Guillermo followed Martin and the host to the back of the restaurant. They walked out through a pair of glass doors and down a decorated walkway to a private table that overlooked the Lower Bay. “Oh, wow! This is beautiful,” Guillermo said as he looked around in total awe.

“Yea, well, I wanted tonight to be special. Are you having a good time so far, Guillermo?,” Martin asked while trying to pull Guillermo’s chair out for him. The chair was made of a heavy metal, so it required a few heaves to push Guillermo all the way in.

“Oh, definitely. This night has been wonderful, Martin!” Guillermo was a little embarrassed by the question. [Wow. He’s taking care of me. Someone is actually taking care of ME. I hope he’ll let me take care of him, too, though. Like, help him get ready. Maybe brush his hair? SHIT!] Guillermo couldn’t understand it. He was on a great date, yet he could not get his mind off Nandor. “The movie was very cute, wasn’t it? What was your favorite part?,” Guillermo asked Martin to resume the conversation and break away from his own thoughts.

“Pardon the interruption…” Martin and Guillermo looked up from each other and at the woman who spoke. “Have you two decided what you would like to eat this evening?”

Martin’s eyes returned to Guillermo. “Are you a fan of red wine or white wine?”

“Ooo, red,” Guillermo eagerly responded. He loved red wine for the taste and that’s it—definitely not for the fact that it reminded him of blood.

Martin looked over at the waitress. “Can we have a bottle of your classiest red wine for the table? And do you happen to use garlic in your pizzas?”

“We have some pizza options that do not include garlic. Why, are you two vampires?,” the waitress joked.

“I wish,” Martin and Guillermo responded simultaneously. 

The waitress’s eyes widened before all three erupted in laughter. “Well, we have a nice eggplant parm pizza that’s garlic free. How does that sound?”

Guillermo’s eyes lit up. “That sounds delicious! Would that be alright with you?,” Guillermo asked Martin.

“Sure.” Martin turned back to the waitress. “Can we have a medium one of those, too, please?”

“Absolutely, I’ll put your order in right now.” The waitress nodded and turned around to take that long walk back to the restaurant.

“She was nice,” Martin said, trying to rekindle their conversation. Guillermo nodded in agreement. “Oh, there’s some dust on your silverware…”

Guillermo looked down at his fork and knife and found a barely noticeable amount of dust on each handle. “Oh, this isn’t that much. I can wipe it off.”

“Heh...I guess I still have my familiar hat on. Lawrence requires everything to be spotless.”

Guillermo nodded and looked back down at the knife. He thought back to the last time he dusted and when Nadja barged in on him...and Nandor. [Fucking Nadja!]

“Guillermo?” Guillermo snapped up from his silverware and looked back at Martin. “You’ve been zoning out a lot. Is everything okay?”

“Well…” Guillermo couldn’t go on like this. He didn’t want to ruin the date. “Just before our date, I got into a fight with Nandor.” Martin nodded to reassure Guillermo. “I thought we were on good terms since I stopped being his familiar…” Guillermo took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. Martin kept nodding. “He wanted me to abandon my evening with you, and I said that I couldn’t do that. I mean I’m not his familiar—no offense.” Martin lifted up his hands to show he wasn’t offended. “But, I have my own life to live, you know?”

“You certainly do!,” Martin agreed. “Can I ask you a question, though?” Martin’s face scrunched up as though he was about to say something inappropriate. Guillermo nodded hesitantly, unsure of where Martin was going with this. “Why did he give you up as a familiar? What happened?”

Guillermo grappled with his thoughts before answering. [I know I should be careful...but if we’re gonna date, I’m gonna have to tell him—an abridged version at least.] “Nandor...and the rest of my housemates were about to be executed by the Vampiric Council for crimes they didn’t commit, but I ended up saving them from execution. I think Nandor realized how he had been treating me, so he offered to be my friend, instead of my master. And things were going great between us...until tonight, that is.”

Martin gulped quickly before smiling back at Guillermo. “Wow. That’s a lot to hear at once, but thank you for trusting me.” Martin took another large gulp before shifting gears. “I’m sure he’ll come around eventually, but try to have a good time.”

“You’re right! I’m having a great night with you, and I won’t let him ruin it,” Guillermo said, feeling guilty for his behavior this evening.

About a minute later, the waitress from before and another waitress appeared with their pizza and wine. “Enjoy, my little vampire wannabes,” she joked before they both walked away.

“This looks delicious! Here, let me make a toast.” The two raised their glasses. “Thank you for everything tonight. I haven’t really been able to get out much because of the Council, but you really helped me come out of my shell. To a wonderful evening.” Martin and Guillermo clinked glasses.

“Guillermo, I have one more surprise for you,” Martin announced with a grin stretching from ear to ear.

“Oh, really?,” Guillermo asked coyly.

“Yes. Close your eyes.”

Guillermo followed the order. He heard Martin get up from his seat and got excited. A few seconds later he felt something tight around his right forearm. “What’s my surprise?,” Guillermo asked anxiously, eyes still closed, though.

“I’ve been planning it for a while. No peeking!,” Martin laughed.

Guillermo felt a sharper tightness around his left arm. Something began to pinch his left wrist, causing Guillermo’s eyes to fly open. He found both of his wrists zip tied to the chair. “What the fuck is this?!,” Guillermo cried out nervously. He looked around for his date. “Is this a joke?”

“I’m sorry, Guillermo,” Martin said before circling around to Guillermo’s front. Guillermo shook his body vigorously to try and break free from the binds, but it was to no avail, so he slunk back down in the chair in defeat.

***

Nandor sat patiently on a wooden bench waiting for his date to arrive. Sofia said she wanted their next date to be at the park, but Nandor couldn’t remember exactly why. In all honesty, Nandor was a little preoccupied. His fight with Guillermo replayed in his mind. [I can’t believe he chose some other person over me. I mean, how long could he have known that guy, five minutes? Guillermo has spent over a decade by my side, and that is a lot of time for a human. And he wants to throw it all away like a little piece of garbage?!]

“Fuck that guy!,” Nandor announced out loud, unaware that he was no longer just in his thoughts. “I don’t need him.”

“What guy?” Nandor yelped like a small dog while jumping up from the bench. After the waves of shock disappeared, he saw Sofia standing next to him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Ehhh...it’s nothing,” Nandor giggled nervously. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Oh, not that long. Only a minute or so.” Sofia turned away from Nandor and looked around at the scenery. Bright orange leaves danced under the dim light from street lamps that circled a small lake. “Thank you for agreeing to come here with me. I wanted to get some inspiration for my next painting, and I figured we could walk around and get to know each other a little more.”

“O-a-kay!,” Nandor said eagerly. He didn’t really care for walking or talking, but he was desperate for a distraction from his own thoughts. “Uh...where should we go?”

“Let’s go take a look at the water. I bet it looks beautiful at this time of night.” As the two moved closer to the lake, Sofia gasped in awe, mesmerized by how the moonlight hit the water. “Wow. This really is something!,” she said before turning to Nandor. His features were more visible from here. “Oh, your hair is different!”

“Oh yeah, Guillermo helped me braid my hair and my beard,” Nandor said timidly. He stared down at the ground to hide his embarrassment and kicked his foot around awkwardly. “Do you like it?”

“I think you look very handsome, Nandor,” Sofia reassured him. 

Nandor perked up with pride. He puffed out his chest, eager to show the entire world just how handsome he was. [Handsome! I guess Guillermo was right.] Nandor’s confident demeanor quickly vanished. His shoulders began to sag as he stared blankly at his feet. [Guillermo...] 

Sofia watched Nandor’s confidence leave his body and a wave of depression enter it. “Nandor?” She called out to him, but he was lost in his own world and showed no signs of leaving. Sofia gently tugged on his sleeve to free Nandor from himself. “Come on. Let’s walk this way for a bit.” Nandor nodded before the two left the lake.

The two walked side by side on a paved walkway that cut through the park. Sofia attempted to start a conversation several times as they walked along the pathway, desperately trying to salvage their date, but Nandor was too deep in his thoughts to notice.

“So...have you done anything fun since our last date, Nandor?”

[I bet that guy’s not even that handsome—not as handsome as I am.]

“Oh, look over there at the baby raccoon! He is so cute. Don’t you think, Nandor?”

[Does Guillermo think he’s handsome? Handsomer than me?]

“You know, I could go for some fresh virgin blood. Do you want to find some?”

[I bet he doesn’t have beautiful hair like me. Hah! And he’ll never know how good it feels when Guillermo brushes it...or when he runs his little fingers through it. Right?]

“My feet are getting a little sore. Let’s stop here.”

[And what can this fucking guy do for Guillermo? Would he spend hours making a portrait of him out of glitter like I did? And can he take him flying like I can? And would he go back to pick up the pillow for beating off purposes that slipped through Guillermo’s little fingers when he was up in the air? And can he protect him from werewolves and zombie familiars and hungry vampires and...] 

A small gust of wind broke Nandor from his thoughts and snapped him back to reality. He looked to his left and realized that Sofia was no longer next to him. He circled around frantically looking for her. When he saw Sofia sitting on a park bench several hundred feet back, Nandor realized that she must have stopped walking with him while he was in his head. He quickly misted back over to her side.

“Sorry about that,” Nandor said as he sat down next to her. “Sometimes, I get lost in my thoughts and…”

“Nandor, what’s wrong?” Sofia interrupted him out of fear that he would space out again. Nandor grimaced out of habit. He didn’t like to be interrupted, nor did he feel comfortable talking about his emotions. “Come on, you can tell me,” she encouraged.

Nandor took a deep breath. “Guillermo and I got into a fight right before our date.” Sofia opened her mouth, but Nandor continued before she could get a word out. “You see, I wanted him to meet you, but he couldn’t come tonight.”

“Oh, that’s no big deal. I’ll meet him some other time.” Sofia was tired of hearing about this “Guillermo” person. Everything that came out of her date’s mouth was about Guillermo.

“He couldn’t come because he had his own date tonight. He didn’t even tell me about it until right before he left. Can you believe that?”

“And…” Sofia was starting to lose her patience with Nandor, but he was too busy dumping all of his emotions to notice her. Instead, he continued on with his rant.

“I don’t even know who this guy is. How am I supposed to know if he is right for Guillermo? Guillermo can’t just go out with any Hairy Dick Tom or whatever!”

Sofia rolled her eyes at the butchered reference before raising her voice so that Nandor would acknowledge her. “Why do you care who Guillermo dates? He’s his own person.”

Nandor took a deep breath. He didn’t expect this question to come from Sofia, but he knew how to answer it...or at least how to start it. “Guillermo and I...well...we have been through so much together over the years.” A montage of Guillermo and Nandor’s relationship played in Nandor’s head as he clumsily navigated his way to the answer. “There have been a few times when I almost lost him...and...and...AND I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM AGAIN.” Bloody tears started to well in his eyes. “Not to someone that could hurt him, or doesn’t know him. Fucking guy probably can’t even fly...and Guillermo loves to fly.” Nandor froze when he felt Sofia’s hand on his shoulder.

“Listen, Nandor. You’re a great guy…”

“Thank you for thinking that,” Nandor responded, completely unaware of where this was going.

“But, I don’t think this is working out.” That sentence hit Nandor like a moving train. “See, I’m looking for love...”

“I am looking for love, too!,” Nandor interjected defensively. “I’m sorry that I’ve been a little spacey, tonight—it’s just...Guillermo…”

“GUILLERMO THIS! GUILLERMO THAT!,” Sofia snapped. “CAN’T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE? YOU’RE ON A DATE WITH ME, REMEMBER?!” She capped her yelling off with a hiss. 

Nandor stared back at the screaming vampire. He was taken aback by her sudden outburst, but also with what she said. [Of course I am on a date with her. Why does everyone keep saying that?] A look of confusion and concern adorned Nandor’s face.

Sofia took a few seconds to calm down before continuing. “Listen. You might be feeling a little confused now,” Sofia began, “but I’m sure you will figure out what your heart wants, Nandor.” He maintained his signature confused face as Sofia spoke. “But you and I both know that it’s not me.” Sofia rubbed her hand up Nandor’s arm. “Goodbye, Nandor.” Seconds later, she transformed into a bat and flew away.

“The fuck was that shit?,” Nandor asked aloud, completely bewildered by what just happened. Several emotions hit Nandor all at once. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to fly somewhere far away, he wanted to set something on fire. Before he could act on any of these emotions, a familiar voice popped into his head.

“Take some deep breaths with me, Nandor.” Guillermo used this technique with Nandor whenever he got upset, which was a lot. “Breathe in...and hold. And now breathe out. Breathe in...and now out...in...and out.” After several deep breaths, Nandor started to calm down--or at least was less likely to set something on fire.

[Okay, I am calm now. Thank you, voice of Guillermo.] Nandor suddenly remembered the fight they had earlier that evening: the fight that plagued his thoughts and ruined his date.

[But now he’s on a date with that guy. They’re probably doing the talky-talk and the kissy-kiss, while I sit alone on this benchy thing.] Nandor also remembered why Sofia left—he was in his head the whole date, thinking...thinking about Guillermo. [AAAAHHH! GET OUT OF MY BRAIN, GUILLERMO!!!] 

Nandor closed his eyes tightly and tried to force Guillermo out of his thoughts, but it was of no use. The more Nandor tried to fight the memories of Guillermo, the clearer they appeared in his head. But, deep down, Nandor didn’t want to fight them. He wanted to see them play out again and again and again. Ultimately, Nandor the Relentless...relented.

A montage of the two of them played in Nandor’s mind. He saw them smiling and laughing together as they played chess, smiling and laughing together when they tried to summon ghosts, smiling and laughing together when they went mini golfing or flying or just sitting around the house. As these memories flashed in his brain, a slight smile started to appear on Nandor’s face. [Is that what was missing in my date? I need to find someone that I can have fun with...someone like—] Before he could finish that thought, more serious memories appeared. 

Nandor thought about when he applied for American citizenship. He was astonished that he couldn’t cheat his way through, and remembered how defeated he felt as he walked out of the government office. [Guillermo really tried to help me, but I still fucked it up!] Before Nandor could beat himself up, he remembered what Guillermo said—and how he said it. [It sure was brave of that little guy to yell at me like that. The old me would have given him a demerit.] Nandor chuckled at his thought. [But he was right. I was down on myself, but Guillermo still saw me for me. A super awesome, yet incredibly sexy vampire.]

With that self-issued compliment, Nandor was reminded of those semen-stealing witches. [I am a sexy vampire, and my semen is irresistible—that’s why those witches keep trying to take it.] He thought of the extraction tools he saw on the table and winced. [Ouch. Laszlo and I would have been doomed...if not for Guillermo. That plan of his was so clever. He would have tricked so many of my enemies.]

Nandor’s thoughts shifted again. He was now back on the stage of the theatre, wrapped in rope and mere moments from death. That is, until none other than Guillermo swung down to save him. Until none other than Guillermo pillaged that entire theatre of vampires all on his own. [So gruesome. So powerful. And from little Guillermo? My Guillermo?]

All the thoughts in Nandor’s brain started to fit together like pieces to a puzzle—his own Guillermo puzzle. He really started to see Guillermo for all he is worth: a fighter, a warrior, a clever problem solver, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, someone to pick Nandor up when he’s feeling down, someone who strives to make Nandor happy, someone to fight for Nandor, someone who would die for Nandor, someone who loved Nandor. [He has done so much for me. Anybody would be lucky to have him in their life. I am lucky to have him.] 

Nandor started speculating about Guillermo’s date before reflecting on his own many failed dates. All of these dates, Sofia included, were caring, interesting, and would have made a wonderful spouse; but Nandor was picky. There was always something wrong, something missing, something not quite right. [None of them have what he has. Why can’t I find someone like Guillermo?]

And with that, something clicked in Nandor’s little brain. The memories replayed again in Nandor’s mind, but the actual events seemed to fade away into the background. Everything was a blur, except for Guillermo. Every move and face that Guillermo made was highlighted in Nandor’s head as if he was under a spotlight. 

His mind went back to the theatre, but Nandor took himself out of the scene. He was no longer on the stage, but rather was just watching a movie of Guillermo’s fight in the theatre. Nandor was hypnotized by how his body, particularly his lower body, moved across the stage and down on the ground and through the aisles. [Look at those hips move!] Nandor felt a twitch from under his belt. He lifted his hands up in front of his body as if he was holding those hips, guiding them from side to side. [Yes...move those hips! And that ass. Juicy! I could just...] 

Nandor’s cock twitched a little more as he visualized Guillermo’s ass—that ass that seemed so alluring while he pillaged in the theatre; that ass he stared at while Guillermo dusted and cleaned...for Nandor. His hands roamed a little closer together, now moving in small circles and slightly squeezing the air. [Guillermo...you have no idea how you tempt me…]

As Nandor continued to move his hands in the air, he thought about Guillermo’s own hands. He thought of the sparks he felt whenever Guillermo’s warm hands and fingers met his own: when they held hands and laughed together while summoning ghosts, when he apologized to Guillermo outside of the Manhattan Night Club, and every time Guillermo helped Nandor out of his coffin.

[So warm…] Nandor slowly rubbed his thumbs over the hands he imagined he was holding. [Those magic hands…those warm, magic hands.] He imagined what else those hands could do—where they could go. [Oh to feel those hands on my face...and through my hair] Nandor growled a little and his cock perked up as he thought about how Guillermo tugged his hair that evening. [...and on my chest...and around my…] Thinking about Guillermo’s hand around Nandor’s cock brought it to full attention. But just as Nandor reached peak excitement, the images started to change.

Guillermo’s face was now front and center in Nandor’s mind and he looked in awe. Nandor saw those cheeks that filled with blood every time he was embarrassed. [So cute...I could just pinch them] He also saw those plump lips. [Have they always been so...tantalizing?] But most of all, he saw those eyes. Nandor could get lost in those eyes for hours. He felt love in those eyes that shone back at Nandor in pride when he stood atop of that car outside the U.S. Citizenship office. He felt love in those eyes when Guillermo turned around to see Nandor protect him from the vampires at the trial. He felt love in those eyes when Nandor apologized to him after Guillermo left the first time.

While thinking about those eyes, Nandor recalled the portrait he made of him and Guillermo. He spent so much time trying to perfect those eyes. [Ugh, I thought the glitter would make them shine more. Like how they always do.] This was the first time that Nandor really thought deeply about the portrait. He spent so much time on this picture of him and Guillermo standing side-by-side. Guillermo was always by his side. He loved having Guillermo by his side; he needed Guillermo to be by his side.

Nandor replayed his date tonight with Sofia. He remembered that Guillermo was not there, despite how much he wanted him to be. [But...what if?] Just then, Nandor reimagined his date with Guillermo there, and only with Guillermo there. His excitement grew as he imagined the two of them walking together in the park, holding his warm hands, and staring into those eyes, and feeling those lips on his lips, and….

Suddenly, Nandor slapped his hands on his knees and gasped. “I want Guillermo.” He’s never said those words before, and yet it wasn’t enough. Nandor knew it wasn’t enough.

“No, I need Guillermo.” Nandor squeezed his head. This still wasn’t right. It was more than a want, more than a need. What was this feeling? [I wish Guillermo was here to help me figure this out.] Is it? Could it be?

“I’m in love with Guillermo.”

His lips tingled and his right leg bounced up and down as he said those magic words out loud. Nandor felt a large weight being lifted off his chest. His excitement grew tenfold, and sparks shot all across his body. He hadn’t felt this way for hundreds of years...or maybe ever. “I’m in love with Guillermo!,” he said again. He wanted to keep saying it. He never wanted to stop saying it. 

Nandor jumped up from the park bench and ran over to a nearby street lamp. “MY NAME IS NANDOR THE RELENTLESS, IMMORTAL WARRIOR, CONQUEROR OF THOUSANDS, AND I AM IN LOVE WITH GUILLLLLLLEEEEEEEERRRRRMMMMMOOOOOO!,” he yelled gleefully, swinging around the lamppost like a smitten teenager. “I need to tell someone. I NEED TO TELL GUILLERMO!”

But then Nandor remembered where Guillermo was and froze in panic. [But he’s with that guy. On a date. What if I’m too late?] “NO!,” he yelled, breaking free from his negative thoughts. “I will not lose him again!” Nandor transformed into a bat and flew as fast as he could to the house.

Nandor nearly broke down the door rushing into the house, scaring Laszlo, who was carrying some sex machine to his crypt. “Woah there, chap. You can’t be busting in here like some speed demon! You almost made me drop the Master Blaster 3000.” But Nandor ignored him and ran towards the phone. 

He pulled out a piece of scrap paper from under his boot and unfolded it to reveal Guillermo’s phone number. His mind raced as the phone rang, until he heard a voice on the other end.

“Hi, you’ve reached Guillermo. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a lot of time on this chapter, so I hope you'll like it. That being said, I've already started working on the last chapter and hope to finish relatively quickly. Kudos and comments are always appreciated and really motivate me to keep going. Thanks!


	5. With a Taste of Your Lips, I'm on a Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor and Guillermo come to terms with their feelings.

“W-why would you do this?,” Guillermo cried weakly, and with tears running down his cheeks. 

Martin sighed and rubbed his eyes. “You seem like a really nice guy, Guillermo,” Martin began, sounding almost remorseful, “but you’re a wanted man in the vampire world. And once I turn you over to my master, he’ll make me a vampire.”

Guillermo rolled his eyes. [Of course. Of fucking course.] “You better get that in writing,” he muttered under his breath. Guillermo understood the reasoning, the dream of becoming a blood-thirsty creature of the night, because he had that same dream for over a decade. Honestly, Guillermo probably would have done the same thing...for Nandor.

Guillermo took a nervous gulp. “For how long?”

“What?,” Martin replied, unsure of what Guillermo was asking.

“How long did you know about me? Was this the plan from the start?”

“Ah,” Martin nodded. “You know how quickly word spreads. Vampires have been looking for you all across the state. I was kind of surprised to see you at the store that evening, so I took a shot in the dark and gave you my card.”

[I knew I shouldn’t have gone out that night.]

“I was even more surprised when you invited me out,” Martin continued. As he relayed all the details to Guillermo, the feigning guilt ceased. Instead, Martin spoke with a smug arrogance, extremely pleased with himself. “I knew this was my chance, so I spent a lot of time putting everything together. So, I hope your last night was a good one.”

“Oh, everything was absolutely perfect! Wouldn’t change a thing!,” Guillermo yelled, holding on to sarcasm as his last line of defense.

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tell my master that his feast is ready. Don’t go anywhere!” Martin burst out in laughter at his own joke before walking away to take the phone call. 

Guillermo groaned as he reached out to try and grab the knife on the table in front of him, but it was just out of reach. Out of options, he slumped back down in the chair and awaited death. He closed his eyes and slipped away into his own thoughts.

Suddenly, he was soaring through the night sky with a pair of strong arms around his stomach. [I wish he would carry me away from here.] More thoughts of Nandor popped into Guillermo’s brain, memories of them laughing together at the seance, laughing on the adventures they would go on around town, and even laughing in the house. Guillermo loved making him laugh, making him feel good, caring for him. [What I would give to make him laugh...help him dress...run my fingers through that shiny black hair one last time.]

Guillermo dedicated years to serving Nandor, and he served him well. And sure, Nandor was not always the most appreciative, but he always cared about Guillermo. He thought back to the vampire trial and how he confessed to killing the Baron, but Nandor protected him. He threw himself and his roommates under the bus. [...to save me…] 

But Guillermo saved Nandor, too—many times. He thought about the most recent and most notable one: the theatre. Up on that balcony, he saw Nandor and the others tied up on that stage, just as Guillermo was now. He remembered listening to what Nandor said. [He thought he was gonna die...and he thought about me. How much I hurt him when I left...how much he cared about me. And he still tried to protect me...]

Suddenly, something clicked for Guillermo. [He cares about me. HE CARES ABOUT ME!] As he reached this conclusion, though, Guillermo remembered how he got into this predicament. [I should have been brave. I should have told him how I feel. I should have just grabbed and shown him just how much I love him...but I got scared. And now he’s never gonna know.]

“Lawrence the Lustrous is on his way.” Guillermo looked up when he heard Martin’s voice. “Since I’m not a total monster, I’ll let you say any last words.” Guillermo rolled his eyes before shutting them tightly. In his head, he saw Nandor’s face, and only Nandor’s face.

“You’ll never be like him,” Guillermo uttered with closed eyes and thoughts of Nandor playing through his mind.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I only called you because I was upset and jealous,” Guillermo started. “And it was stupid. And I should have told him how I feel…”

“Okay, I don’t know what you’re saying,” Martin interrupted, clearly upset with Guillermo’s words.

“I love Nandor! He’s strong, he’s fierce, he’s brave, he’s funny, he’s beautiful, but most of all...HE CARES ABOUT ME. And, you know what? Even if you become a vampire, you’ll never be as strong or as fierce or as brave as he is. It’s not even close. You will amount to nothing. And you’re lucky if that’s all that will happen to you.”

Martin looked like he was about to kill Guillermo himself, but Guillermo kept going. “If he ever found out what you’ve done to me, he will destroy, and I mean DESTROY, you. They don’t call him Nandor the Relentless for nothing. And that’s because he loves me and I LOVE HIM, TOO!”

Guillermo felt a gust of wind pass over his shoulder, slammed his eyes shut, and winced. [Goodbye, Nandor] A strange sound interrupted Guillermo’s final thoughts—something that sounded like choking.

He opened his eyes and gasped when he saw Martin several feet off the ground and with a strong hand gripping his neck—the hand that Guillermo spent many hours thinking about. “Nandor…” Guillermo’s heart started beating uncontrollably at the sight of the vampire. 

Nandor looked ferocious as he tortured Guillermo’s captor. His dark eyes and sharp fangs poked made Nandor look vicious and menacing. That fierceness in his face, along with the braid in his hair and beard, gave the impression of someone who was ready to take on an entire army—perfectly fitting for Nandor in this moment. His muscles were clenched and his cape billowed below to really cap off the scary experience. Guillermo’s cock trembled in his pants. He will definitely be thinking about this moment later.

“You tried to take Guillermo away from me. NOW YOU MUST PAY!” Martin choked louder and flailed around wildly as Nandor squeezed even tighter around his throat. Just as his eyes started to roll to the back of his head, Nandor dropped Martin to the ground. He took several large gasps before Nandor grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up again. “If you ever go near Guillermo again,” Nandor growled, “I will break every bone in your puny body. I will rip you apart, limb from limb. And I will feed your useless parts to every hungry hellhound on this island. YOU GOT THAT?!” Martin nodded his head urgently. “Now run along, little man.” With that, Martin got to his feet and ran up the walkway, through the restaurant, and down the street.

Nandor quickly turned his attention. “Guillermo, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” 

Guillermo’s eyes shone with adoration for his savior. “Yes,” he said shyly, “thanks to you.” He looked down at his tied up wrists. “Could you help me out with these, though? There’s a knife over there on the table…” 

Nandor rushed over and slipped a finger under each tie. Guillermo gasped as he felt Nandor’s fingers rub against his hands. He looked down in confusion. “What are you…” Before Guillermo could finish his question, Nandor pulled his fingers up as hard as he could, breaking the zip ties. Guillermo quietly moaned as he watched the ties fall to the ground—he had never been more turned on then he was right now.

That arousal wouldn’t last long, though, as it was quickly replaced with thankfulness and guilt. Once free, Guillermo jumped to his feet and rushed over to Nandor. He grasped onto Nandor’s robe, dug his face into Nandor’s chest, and began bawling. “I’m so sorry, Nandor. I’m sorry for yelling at you and being so jealous. You mean so much to me and I want to be by your side forever…”

Nandor hugged tightly as Guillermo spilled his heart out. He pushed Guillermo’s head closer to his chest with his left hand, and placed comforting pats on Guillermo’s back with his right. “It’s okay, Guillermo. Don’t feel bad.” He placed a small peck on the top of Guillermo’s head before whispering in his ear: “I’ll always be there for you, even if we are fighting.”

Guillermo wasn’t sure what he felt on the top of his head: his hair, a bug? He wanted to swat at it, but he couldn’t move his hands from Nandor’s robe. Suddenly, Guillermo felt Nandor slightly push him away, but Guillermo held firm. The feeling of two strong hands gently cupping his face, though, made Guillermo look up at Nandor.

“Let’s get out of here,” Nandor whispered before raising his pointer finger in the air. “Okay, Guillermo, assume the position!,” he announced. Guillermo nodded and turned around. He welcomed the two hands that grabbed onto his hips. Nandor swayed Guillermo’s hips with his hands and let out a little groan before the two leapt into the air.

“Woo!!!!,” Guillermo yelled in excitement. No matter how many times Nandor took him flying, he never got tired of it. He loved feeling the air flow through his hair and across his body, and it provided the perfect excuse to be in Nandor’s arms. Guillermo looked down at the scene passing by below him. “Oh, Nandor, look down there. How beautiful!”

Nandor looked down and saw a very familiar sight. They were flying right above the park where he had his date with Sofia. Nandor once again fantasized about holding hands with Guillermo, surrounded by the beautiful trees and the lake. [This is my chance!]

Guillermo’s heart began to race when he suddenly dipped towards the ground. “W-where are you taking me, Nandor?,” Guillermo yelled. He didn’t get an answer from the vampire, but his heart rate normalized when Nandor decelerated.

Nandor lightly placed Guillermo on a familiar park bench. “I just wanted to talk. Is that alright with you?,” Nandor asked as he sat down next to Guillermo.

[He hates talking. What does he want to talk to me about?] Suddenly, Guillermo remembered what he said when he was tied up at the restaurant, and his heart started picking up again. [Oh no. How much of that did he hear? I knew he didn’t love me the way I loved him…NO! You almost died and he saved you. The least you can do is hear him out.] Guillermo gulped before responding. “Sure...what did you want to talk about?”

The gears started turning in Nandor’s mind. He felt those nervous butterflies again, but the feeling was ten times stronger. A million thoughts competed for Nandor’s attention. [I LOVE YOU! You’re the one for me! It’s always been you!...No, Nandor...play it cool.] “I’m sorry your date ended up like this, Guillermo.” [Fuck. Stupid, Nandor. Stupid. Fuck.]

All of the trauma Guillermo endured that night replayed in his mind, but all he could do was laugh. “Yeah...well…,” he chuckled. “At least one of us found someone, right?” He nudged Nandor with his elbow before remembering that Nandor was also supposed to be on a date. “Wait a minute, Nandor. You had a date tonight, too. What happened with that?”

“It didn’t work out,” Nandor said concisely. He was calculating his next move.

Guillermo’s heart jumped. “What do you mean?,” he asked, trying to hide his excitement about Nandor’s relationship status. “You seemed so happy on your first date.” Guillermo put his feelings aside to listen to Nandor.

“You’re right. I was happy,” Nandor began. Guillermo couldn’t tell how Nandor was feeling, but he nodded along encouragingly. “But,” the vampire continued, “it wasn’t because of Sofia.” Guillermo was visibly confused by Nandor’s statement. “I mean, she was very nice, but I enjoyed that date because I got to do the talky-talk about my favorite things.” Nandor smiled, recalling everything he thought about on that date. “And you know what I talked about, Guillermo?”

“What?”

“You,” Nandor whispered, playfully poking Guillermo in the stomach. Guillermo’s mouth cartoonishly fell open. “Everything was about you. I couldn’t stop talking about you. Like I was addicted to you, Guillermo, can you believe that?,” he laughed.

He couldn’t answer. Guillermo’s eyes were wide, his mouth was still open, and his heart was beating a mile a minute. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe anything he was hearing.

Guillermo’s heartbeats sang in Nandor’s ears. He took that as a clue that he was doing a pretty good job and decided to keep going. “And tonight, we were supposed to be walking through this park, but I don’t remember much of what happened.”

Guillermo’s excitement had receded enough so that he could actually respond. “Why is that?”

“I was in my head, thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?,” Guillermo probed. [Was he thinking about me? Like I was thinking about him?]

“I thought about our fight, and I thought I was just upset about that.” Guillermo felt guilty hearing this answer. “But then I thought about your date, about somebody else making you happy, and it made my insides hurt like they’ve never hurt before, Guillermo.” Now he felt even guiltier, considering how his own date turned out.

“Oh Nandor...I’m so sorry,” Guillermo spoke up, but Nandor just smiled at him.

“Don’t be sorry, Guillermo. I’m glad that all happened.”

“You are?,” Guillermo asked in amazement.

“See, I’ve been looking for love for a long time, Guillermo. And it was tonight, right on this bench, when I realized that what I was looking for has been right in front of me the whole time.” Nandor lifted Guillermo’s face up towards his face with his left index finger, while rubbing his thumb over Guillermo’s chin. “Right under my nose.” Still cupping Guillermo’s chin in his left hand, Nandor poked Guillermo’s button nose with the index finger on the right hand.

Guillermo’s cheeks turned rosy red. Sweat dripped down his face and his cock squirmed in his pants. He was so blindsided and so excited that he couldn’t complete any thoughts. [This can’t be happening. Is he gonna? Me?]. But that all went away when Nandor turned away from Guillermo, slapped his hands on his knees, and looked out towards the park.

“I was so stupid. You were right there, Guillermo. And I was so blind,” Nandor ranted, still staring straight ahead. “You’re so strong and sexy and perfect. I don’t deserve you.”

Guillermo was astonished. He didn’t think anyone thought about him this way, let alone someone that he had been in love with for over a decade. His cock was now at full attention as Nandor continued.

“And I want to do so much to you. First, I want to kiss you on your beautiful, plump lips. But I want the moment to be special and how will I know when that is? Someone should tell you those things.”

“Uh, Nandor?,” Guillermo uttered, trying to be the sign Nandor was desperately looking for.

“Not now, Guillermo. I’m trying to tell you that I’m in love with you and want to kiss you and...”

Guillermo shook his head and chuckled. [Stupid, stupid Nandor] He reached out to run his finger along Nandor’s braided beard before wrapping his hand around it and pulling Nandor’s mouth to his.

Nandor’s eyes were wide when he felt Guillermo’s lips on his own. But once he realized what was happening, Nandor eased into the kiss. And that’s when the magic happened, when the sparks flew. Years of sexual tension and hunger and repression poured out into the perfect kiss. Guillermo tugged on Nandor’s beard, pulling the vampire closer. Nandor growled in response and grabbed Guillermo’s scalp, working it around so that their lips would connect in all the right places. The kisses became sloppier and more frantic as the two were desperate to taste each other.

Nandor poked his tongue out and ran it across Guillermo’s bottom lip, making Guillermo moan against his lips. Chills ran up and down Nandor’s spine from the sounds and the vibrations Guillermo made. He felt the love that Guillermo packed with each movement, and it was like nothing Nandor had ever experienced. He never wanted this kiss to end, but Guillermo pulled away.

“Wow, Guillermo,” Nandor said as he tried to bring himself back to Earth. He was shocked with how assertive little Guillermo was, how brave he was to take the first step, and how he could make Nandor feel. Guillermo smugly grinned at Nandor, proud of how unraveled he made Nandor. But then Nandor shook his head vigorously. “Guillermo!,” he yelled sternly.

To Guillermo, that yell sounded like the scolding he was so used to. [What did I do? Oh no, did I go too far? Was he not ready? Did I misread this?] Guillermo felt like he took a million steps back—like someone punted him back into familiar territory. At this moment, Guillermo felt his life was over.

“I wanted to be the one to start the kissy-kiss!,” Nandor whined. He crossed his arms in a pout and turned away from Guillermo. He turned back around seconds later and, when he saw Guillermo’s nervous face, instantly burst out laughing.

Guillermo rolled his eyes and laughed along with Nandor. [He’s lucky I’m so in love with him, or else I’d kill him.] And with that thought, Guillermo wanted more. “Oh yeah…” Guillermo goaded, seductively running his finger along Nandor’s thigh. “Why don’t you come over here and punish me?” And before Guillermo knew it, Nandor was on top of him.

Feuled by immense passion, Nandor grabbed Guillermo’s cheeks and fiercely pressed their mouths together. Guillermo reached around and placed his hand on the back of Nandor’s head to push him closer. Blood rushed to Guillermo’s dick as Nandor expertly used his lips to further open up Guillermo’s. Nandor inserted his tongue and licked vigorously inside of Guillermo’s mouth, wanting to explore every inch. As his tongue pushed in deeper, Nandor started clawing at Guillermo’s face, causing the human to moan again. Fireworks went off once Nandor’s tongue finally met Guillermo’s. Guillermo almost spilled just from the feeling. His tongue hungrily swiped at Nandor’s until they fit together perfectly. Nandor groaned at the sensation, unable to control his animalistic urges. Hands started flying, reaching for skin to grab, as their tongues danced.

Guillermo reluctantly moved his head away to catch his breath and calm himself down. Nandor was a much better kisser than Guillermo ever imagined. As his breathing started to regulate, Guillermo stared at the vampire in front of his eyes, the vampire he loved. He thought about this moment so many times; he knew how he could reciprocate the feeling. “I’ve waited eleven years to do this.” 

Suddenly, Guillermo started sucking on Nandor’s neck. Nandor moaned loudly and placed his hand on top of Guillermo’s head, guiding him deeper into the skin. The feeling of Guillermo’s tongue, lips, and teeth on Nandor’s soft skin nearly sent Nandor over the edge. After a particularly delicious lap of Guillermo’s tongue along his neck, Nandor pulled Guillermo up by the hair and crashed their mouths together again.

Part of Nandor wanted to just run with Guillermo—to give Guillermo absolutely everything he had to offer right then and there; but another part wanted to take it slowly and cherish every second of this, and every inch of Guillermo. As these two parts fought in his brain, Nandor felt Guillermo break their kiss again.

Nandor rested his forehead on Guillermo’s and the two laughed together, totally smitten with each other. Nandor raised his forehead to place a light kiss on Guillermo’s forehead...and his cheek...and his jaw...and down his neck. Guillermo was still recovering from the trail of sloppy kisses when he heard Nandor start to speak again.

“Guillermo…,” Nandor began. He looked deeply into Guillermo’s eyes, which seemed darker—hungrier. “I know I’ve never said this before, but I am so lucky to have you in my life. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Tears welled up in Guillermo’s eyes. “And you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Guillermo playfully bopped Nandor on the nose before diving down to hug his chest.

Nandor smiled at the gesture and returned the hug. Even with all the things Nandor wanted to experience with Guillermo, he was more than content cuddling on the bench—their bench. He started to think about all the times he almost lost Guillermo. [No! Never again. I’m never letting go.] Nandor nestled his head against Guillermo’s and hugged him even tighter.

***

EPILOGUE

Guillermo moved his hips and ass sensually as he dusted Nandor’s coffin, quite aware that he was putting on a show. It had been a few days since the two professed their feelings for each other at the park. Yet, they were very secretive about the advancement of their relationship, partly because they didn’t want to explain it to their roommates and partly because it was kind of thrilling to be sneaking around.

Nandor watched Guillermo attentively. He watched every sway of Guillermo’s hips, every shake of his ass, and every time Guillermo suggestively wrapped his hand around the duster’s handle. Guillermo noticed how intently Nandor was staring at him, so he decided to give him a little treat. He dropped the duster at his feet and then bent down slowly to pick it up. Nandor growled when Guillermo’s ass was fully in the air. “Yesssss….,” the vampire hissed, rubbing the erection that was forming in his pants.

“Oh, Nandorrrrr….” Nandor and Guillermo were thankful that Nadja sang Nandor’s name before entering his crypt; it gave them time to “fix” themselves. “I just wanted to check in with you about Sofia.” She sniffed around him as a means to answer her own question. “Wow, the smell is gone! You must really like her.”

“Yea...well...um.” Nandor struggled with what to say. [Do I lie? Do I tell her the truth?] Guillermo walked over to the chaise to try and help Nandor, when Nadja started sniffing again. She turned her attention to Guillermo.

“Oh, Guillermo! I thought that horrible stench would be stuck on you forever like magic glue, but yours is gone, too! Did you find someone special? Tell me everything!” Although she normally didn’t care about what happened in Guillermo’s life, Nadja was unusually giddy with excitement. To Nadja, the smell was gone and she could get a good story out of it.

“Well,” Guillermo began. “He’s very strong, and protective, and courageous, and funny, and sweet, and everything I ever wanted in a partner.” Guillermo beamed as he thought about the man by his side. He took a quick peek at Nandor and saw complete adoration in his eyes. At that moment, he realized he was tired of hiding his love for Nandor. He wanted everyone to know.

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Nadja said unconvincingly. “But you didn’t tell me the most important thing. What does he look like?”

“I could spend hours describing how perfect he looks,” Guillermo continued. “But, I’ll just say he’s the handsomest, sexiest, most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Every day, I pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming because I never thought that I would end up with someone so absolutely perfect.”

“I’m so happy for you, Guillermo.” Nadja quickly turned her attention back to Nandor, but he was still staring at Guillermo, in total awe of what just came out of his mouth. “So, Nandor, what have you and Sofia been doing?” Nadja winked as she asked.

“Ehhh…” Nandor was at a loss for words.

“You know what?,” Nadja interrupted. “I’ll just ask her myself.” Before Nandor could object, she was out the door.

Nandor and Guillermo stared at each other in confusion. Nandor replayed what just happened in head, paying particular attention to everything that Guillermo said.

“Hey, Guillermo…,” Nandor began coyly.

“Yes?,” he answered back encouragingly.

“When you were talking to Nadja, did you mean what you said?”

Guillermo moved even closer to Nandor. “Every single word and the million other words I could have used to say how much I’m in love with you. You’re incredible, Nandor!”

Nandor’s eyes lit up. He didn’t think it was possible, but he was falling even more in love with Guillermo. “You know what?,” Nandor began. “I think you’re pretty incredible, too...and all the other things you said.” Nandor lovingly poked Guillermo in the stomach. “But it is I who is lucky...lucky to be loved by you.”

A few minutes later, Nadja angrily stomped back into Nandor’s crypt. “YOU ABSOLUTE PIG DICK! WHAT DID YOU…?” But the sight before Nadja’s eyes stopped her dead in her tracks.

Guillermo was straddling Nandor, his hands caressing Nandor’s face as they vigorously pressed their mouths together. Nandor let out a few soft growls while his hands massaged and gently squeezed Guillermo’s hypnotic ass. As the kiss grew deeper, and with his hands still on Guillermo’s ass, Nandor pushed Guillermo even closer to him, causing their crotches to rub together.

Nadja clapped her hands together in excitement. “Nadja, you ARE good,” she said to herself before leaving to find her own lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support! I'm so proud of this work and proud of myself for finishing it. Look out for more in the future. These characters aren't done!

**Author's Note:**

> I have this all outlined, so writing this shouldn't take too long, hopefully. I've posted a bunch of Nandermo memes on my tumblr (@a-boar-named-barry), but I have so many other ideas and thoughts about the show and I'm looking for other forms of media to share them. Thanks!


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